Torn in Two

How does one heart hold so much joy and hope alongside so much frustration and stress? I want to sing for joy and cry myself to sleep, dance and mope, kick up my heels and banish myself from all society. So much in my life builds me up and makes me feel like I can do anything. Then there are things that pull me back into the mire and make me weep for my sinfulness and selfish desires. I want to live in the joy and knowledge that "though sorrow may come in the night, the joy comes with the morning!" But my heart is heavy with the knowledge of my own sinfulness. It is true we need a Savior. I am thankful for the gift.

"You are stronger, You are stronger, sin is broken, You have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, You are Lord of all."

What a terrific promise this is. I can repent of my pride and selfishness and live in the joy that comes with humility of spirit and a compassionate heart. He is stronger and greater than any of my struggles. Hallelujah for Truth.

Attitude check.

I got an idea for a blog post today. The theme was my rotten day. After class I was headed back to the office, forming it in my mind until I remembered something I learned on Monday. Paul and I sat down and started reading Psalm 119 together. One thing that kept jumping out at me was the importance of giving thanks (a theme I see a lot in Scripture). Then we read this:

"Your testimonies also are my delight;
They are my counselors." (Ps. 119:24)

We can delight in the testimonies of God and be counseled by them!! No wonder we are instructed to boast of all He has done! So often we focus on the negative stories of life when we share things with one another instead of talking about the joyous events and gifts that are given to us. Even the everyday joys - I woke up this morning! I took a walk! I ate food! I forget to rejoice in them and praise God for them. It's a little easier when it's something mind-bogglingly wonderful! Somehow, though I can find something negative to mention every single day. But what can anyone learn from my sob story about forgetting to finish my Calculus homework and ... I can't even remember the other thing I was moaning about (to myself), and I think that's because I let it go and didn't tell everyone I encountered about it!!! I would much rather focus on the good, although there are always those times you simply MUST get something off your chest. But daily complaints about things as petty as that which I mentioned above ... not worth my energy.

Besides that, who wants to read about it???

Full to overflowing

My heart is bursting within me! Why? Because of the response I have received from parents this year for our jr and sr high Christmas parties! I cannot begin to express my gratitude to all the parents willing to bring so much! I know it is for their kids, but I can't help but feel loved! I am smiling from ear to ear and laughing!!! I had to share this with someone!

So to all those parents out there that don't have my blog address I thank you! (Even though you probably won't see this!) I love my job, but it is always made that much easier with the generosity and love shown by the families of this church!

Always praise God for the little and the big :o)

It is difficult...

I have attempted to write a blog entry for a number of weeks now, and as I sit to compose it, my words fail me. There is so much going on in my heart and in my head that it seems impossible to narrow it all down to one simple post.

December has been full and wonderful. I sat in on some wonderful music at two separate orchestra concerts that Paul was in, enjoyed a night with the high school ministry I'm a part of, eating, laughing, and singing, was honored, along with Paul, to be the guest of my grandmom at the Madrigal Banquet at Glen Eyrie, was one of 6 women who spoke at a tea at my church for just under 400 women - I spoke on the Joy of Christmas - and have taken a long walk on a snowy night. That was simply the first week of December. Since then I have attended 2 Christmas parties, participated in a Children's Pageant (as drama coach), seen a wonderful marionette production entitled "The Puppet Maker" by David Simpich, had some scrumptious lunches, met with some wonderful high school girls, and am now preparing for my last party of the season.

As I wait for my head to stop spinning and my heart to calm down, I watch the world around me running red lights and cramming stores and wonder why we do it all. In the midst of joyous song and laughter there is frustration, stress, and short tempers. We desire the holiday to be just right, as perfect as we can make it, when that is impossible. All that matters are the friends and family we have around us, the opportunities we have to serve our fellow beings, the small moments that make perfect moments as we sit and enjoy quiet evenings together, remembering why we celebrate this holiday.

The Joy of Christmas is salvation! Immanuel - God with us! Jesus' birth - God as man - for the purpose of saving the lost. We celebrate the ultimate gift this upcoming Tuesday. Let's not lose focus of that.

So Merry Christmas, my dear friends and family! I celebrate our wonderful God; I praise Him for Christ; I praise Him for life; I praise Him for you!

Back from Vacation

We have returned! I cannot tell you when I have enjoyed a week more! (So much so I am still adjusting to being back!) We relaxed and saw some sites and simply enjoyed life! There is not enough time in what became barely 2 days to see everything one wants to see in D.C. - I doubt a week would be enough! Paul and I sat and talked and enjoyed the sun and watched movies and didn't finish a crossword and walked and walked and went to Target and walked. We took the train into D.C., we walked through historic downtown Fredericksburg, and we drove to NC to see my great aunt and uncle. It was a blessing to my soul to see them both. Our last day we stayed with friends of Paul's family and played pool and enjoyed good company. They are a wonderful family! I felt very honored by their hospitality. I am thankful for the rest and the fun I was able to have this week. I told you to look forward to pictures! So here are a few.

Go here to see more!

Day One - this was our first stop.

Paul and myself with some old friends.

The shirt says "No! We're not there yet!"

My mom bought it for our 8.5 hour drive :o)

Cheers!

Vacation

Vacation (noun) 1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday.

I am officially on vacation. Meaning I have no work to do until Monday, November 5th. I must confess I have felt the need for this week more and more as the date has come nearer.

I am going to Virginia. I am going to tour D.C. like never before. I am going to drive to North Carolina and back again - just to see my great aunt and uncle. I am going to see battlefields and museums, monuments and skylines. I am going to drive around D.C. and get lost, drive through VA wondering where the highway signs are, sit on my aunt's porch and breathe deeply.

But there is one thing that sets this vacation apart and that's the company.

So fare us well and look forward to pictures - I'm sure there will be a few :) - I'll "see" you all when I'm back from vacation.


"vacation." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 26 Oct. 2007. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vacation>.

You Can't Take it With You

This weekend was amazing. Why? you ask. The answer is more complex than simply "I celebrated my 26th birthday" for I did not merely celebrate my birthday, I celebrated my friends and the gifts God has given me and continues to give me.

Friday I saw a friend from out of town. Saturday I went to see a play with 7 friends. And on Sunday I had dinner with my best friend, her husband, and my boyfriend.

The play we saw was You Can't Take it With You, a play in three acts by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart. It is an amazingly funny and crazy story about a family in New York City in the 30's. The main drive of the story is that no matter how much you toil upon this earth you can't take a dime with you when you leave it, so why grasp at those fleeting treasures?

So I would like to thank my real treasures - everyone who made my 26th birthday so memorable. Dinner and the theatre, a late night talk, an evening out and an evening in - smiles, laughter, and simply being there - all this rolls into one incredible weekend that I will not soon forget.

I am blessed. Thank you.

Living for...

So often in our culture we find we are "living for the weekend." I do so try to not make this true in my life, but one thing I have learned this week is that the weekends help me live the rest of the week. It's not that I'm not at work or that I get to sleep-in - because sometimes I can't do that - but it's the opportunity to slow down a bit and enjoy the small "perfect" moments that keep me running.

Then they remind me that there are moments throughout the week that fill me up too.

This morning I was able to sit and write a letter while listening to quiet music and enjoying the very English looking morning. Wednesday nights I hang out with students. Thursdays are traditionally Bible Study and a chance to learn and fellowship with my peers. And always there are notes and calls from friends, moments spent with P., and those times I can sit still and simply be that remind me that people are important, the Lord is with me, and life is worth living.

So no matter what anyone says about weekends, I think it's important to remember that each day has joys and sorrows of its own. You just have to live for those "perfect" moments - like strolling around a lake, laughing with a student over dinner, a friend over a movie, or wandering aimlessly but blissfully through the zoo.

"All joy reminds. It is never a possession,

always a desire for something longer ago or further away

or still 'about to be.'"

~C. S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy