Someday

When exactly is "someday"? Today I was thinking about one of my greatest dreams: not having my computer in my bedroom. I want a desk the size of a dining room table! where I can spread out and work on my book or my math or whatever! Bookshelves holding all my necessary references and a couple of dry erase boards! Sigh. Someday.

I've heard this word a few times in the past week, and it got me wondering. This particular "someday" is beyond my control, I simply don't have the room for a home office, but what of other "somedays"? There are those that don't have to be beyond reach. "Someday I'll read such and such a book" or "Someday I'll learn how to make Creme Brule." "Someday I'll finish that quilt I started ages ago" or "Someday I'll finish writing the book I started 10 years ago." "Somedays" such as these take one thing: conviction, conviction and action...("our two weapons are" conviction and action and "ruthless efficiency, our three weapons...." You get the idea.)

Why can't today be someday?

Here.

Probably not enough...

So apparently my hand was shaking, so it's a little blurry, but you have to see this.
Contents: (all "boxes" are Costco sized boxes)
3 boxes of cereal
2 large bags of apples
4 dozen Einstein Bros. Bagels
150 plates
300 bowls
2 gallons of milk
2 boxes of Goldfish
1 box of fruit snacks
5 boxes of yogurt
10 bunches of bananas
35 water bottles
1 bag of Hot Tamales
1 box of Hershey's chocolate bars
1 box of pretzel sticks

The packing of this cart was masterful and redone 3 times total in the store in order to successfully leave with only one cart :o) Who knew jigsaw puzzel knowledge would come in handy at this job??

I'm going to go watch a good book

While waiting with great anticipation for the sixth installment of Harry Potter films to begin, I was regaled with four trailers for movies that are based on books. Stormy With a Chance of Meatballs, Where the Wild Things Are, New Moon and the one that really got me excited, The Lightening Thief.

There are so many movies that have been and are being based on books, and while I love most of them and enjoy being able to see my favorite storylines in a new light - some of my favorite Lord of the Rings imagery I never noticed until I saw it - I have to wonder, ultimately, doesn't it kind of ruin the whole point of a good book? I know, it's a great avenue to expose non-readers to the literature of the day and bygone eras, it's a money-maker, it takes far less time to watch a movie than read a book, and the best of them just make me want to re-read their books. And let's not forget the great debates we enter into while discussing the differences between these movies and their beloved page-bound-brethren.

I guess it just speaks to a whole different audience, not just in our culture, but in our own minds. There are times all I want to do is lay down and watch a good movie, and then there are other times when no movie can hold my attention, only the type-set of an engaging novel. So I suppose I will finish reading the Percy Jackson series, go see HP and the Half-Blood Prince again, read HP and the Deathly Hallows before the movie(s) come out and I go see those, and wait until New Moon comes out on DVD and watch it then...maybe.... All the while fighting the urge to open Pride and Prejudice or re-watch the new Sense and Sensibility every time I get bored.

Grace Under Pressure

I just found this scribbled out in my notebook under the heading "blogs to write":

I have studied Esther to some extent and feel it would do me good to refresh my memory of who she was and the character she exhibited as a woman who lived with grace, even under the most extreme circumstances.

Being human I have a great many short-comings, one of which is being too quick to point out and condemn the rest of them. But I step aside from my attempt to curb this nasty habit in order to mention this: I have a great desire to be a woman who is calm and trustworthy even when things begin to unravel, fully relinquishing control to the Master while doing all I need to do. In other words, I want to be a grace-filled woman under pressure.

Paul described me today (May 1st) as a volcano: the pressure builds until kaboom! then peace; the great beast returns to its slumber. Only problem is that peace comes at a great price: the tranquility of those in the vicinity. I want to encourage not discourage those around me! I wonder how capable I am of being calm and collected rather than rudely blunt, irritatingly hurried and unnervingly stressed.

I will add here (16 July) that I am happy to report the Lord's faithful work in my life. The road is long and the way is tedious, and at times, dare I say, explosive, but I have hope and faith in the fact that the Lord will prevail. He will be made manifest in my life. Jesus is, after all, our ultimate example of grace under pressure.

The Human Condition - Part Two

I love to be right.

Beyond that I don't like it when others think I am wrong, or when the topic is out for deliberation. For instance when I get into a debate with someone and they firmly believe I don't know what I'm talking about, and I have no computer with which to prove my superior knowledge. I also have a strong aversion to making stupid mistakes, like missing a due date for an assignment or dividing something by itself and getting 0??? Or when I vent about something and someone offers me some advice that I knew, I simply MUST tell them I knew it already. Can't just thank them!

PRIDE. It's a disease. It's ugly. Too ugly. Some are blessed with the ability to shun it, to live lives brimming with humility and others-centeredness. I am too often consumed with my own self-image and making sure everyone knows how intelligent I am. Ugh. I make myself sick. But what of boasting in my knowledge of the Lord, "who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth"? He is a God who delights in these things, not in what the world delights in (see Jer. 9:23-24). Can I live my life not minding when I am wrong, or perceived as such, so long as I am right in Him? The world thinks that we are fools. I don't let that bother me!

"Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, but humility goes before honor." Pr. 18:12. If I trust in myself alone, I am doomed. Praise the Lord for Grace and Mercy!

You have to understand something...

I don't play volleyball. It goes way back. Too far back. And it's become a mental block I am desperately trying to break down. This evening I took a big step, as I spent 40 delightful minutes learning how to play! Two of our new freshmen in the HS group I volunteer with were kind enough to give me pointers and hit the ball around with me. They taught me the best way to stand and hit. They told me I need to actually move in order to get under the ball, anticipate! There were moments I couldn't breathe for laughing, one of my favorite activities (the laughter). But even as I caught the ball for the 10th time instead of hitting it, and the girls laughed at my running away from the tree, I take this very seriously, (though I must make light of it just to set foot anywhere near a volleyball court), because these baby steps are important to me. I am one (maybe even two) steps closer to being able (and willing) to play a game one of my favorite people loves to play. I look forward to being able to spend time with him doing something he loves.

Re-learning how to learn.

During my most recent Calculus meltdown (and the subsequent calm after the storm), I had a realization. I cannot do math as I have always done it. I can't just "get by," processing much like a calculator: input, output. I need to know it and how to use it and how to break it down. So I can't just sit in class, spend an hour doing my assigned homework (which isn't much) and nothing more. The reason I do math has changed. My method must as well.

The 3 things I want most

I have begun reading a book by Madeleine L'Engle called The Rock that is Higher: Story as Truth. Two pages and I was crying, 18 pages before I had to stop reading and drive to work. By the time I got home, my head and heart were bursting. I'm not entirely sure what it was that got to me. Perhaps it's the reminder that I don't have to have my future figured at the age of 27. So many of the women I look up to went through life the way anyone else does: one day at a time, and they got to be 50, 60, 70 and beyond, wiser, kinder, and serving God in ways they never dreamed possible when they were my age. Or perhaps it was the reminder that God gives us the strength to bear whatever may come our way. Whatever it was, by the time I got home yesterday, I knew three things to be rooted as the cry of my heart, desires embedded so deeply in my soul that they outweigh that self-centered "need" to prove myself in a field such as mathematics.

1. I want to serve God. Valiantly, faithfully, passionately. Patiently. I want to be a warrior of my faith with a servant's heart, my Savior's compassion. To stand firm even when opposed or it appears I am stranded - the world would have be believe - in the dark. To love the "unlovable" and live in the world, but not be of it. Speak with a boldness of conviction in love and peace, overflowing with joy in every circumstance. Trusting. From this desire flows all others.
   
2. I want to build a home, with God's help, that is a safe-haven for my family and friends. To be a wife and mother in a home where my husband can let down his guard, feel honored and respected, my children are free to be who they are, and all who cross the threshold feel safe, loved, cared for. A home where God reigns and we cling to Him in the good and the bad. This begins with me, my heart, not when I get married, but now. Do I live my life so that when others are around me they feel free to be themselves, let their guard down, feel honored, respected?
   
3. I want to share my heart and all the Lord teaches me with others. Whether through my writing, speaking engagements, mentoring, or simply living. There are 2 books I am currently working on, too many stories I have long since left behind that deserve to be told, people to love. I do not have to have my first book published by 30, 40 or even 50. I can share my life, my brokenness with those I encounter every day.
   

I must be shrouded in a mantle of prayer, trusting that God's timing is good and perfect, studying His word, and not ignoring His people. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

I'm really not into Paleoanthropology, no matter what it may seem like...

This is my new car, Lucy.

I have named her thus for a couple of reasons. The name came to me one day walking out of Target when I saw her from the side. The hood is quite sudden in its protrusion - in Anthropology I learned this is called prognathism. She reminded me of Paranthropus aethiopicus. While Lucy, the famous 40% complete skeleton of A. afarensis, is not P. aethipoicus, it was the shortest name I could come up with, the first one that came to me, and the name of one of my favorite literary characters of all time. So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, my Subaru Forester, Lucy.