Designed for a purpose

As a special treat today, I was able to take an hour out of my work day and attend Mi2, a group for moms that meets twice a month at our church. As a mom who works full time outside the home as well as inside, I don't get to spend much time with other moms. Not even my own. Most moms, I would venture to say, feel some level of isolation due to their occupation - spending enormous amounts of time with those "mini adults" - and the demands it puts on their time - bed time, nap time, play time, dining times, etc., etc. Then there are those moms who also work outside the home. The isolation changes because their time is now divided. They get interaction with adults, but still not the interaction they necessarily need.

What do I mean by that?

Humans need to know they are not alone. As we battle through day-to-day living, we can begin to collapse under the weight of it, especially if we feel isolated, like no one knows what we're going through. This is true of everyone. Now take a mom. There are 24 usable hours in every day. Most of us would love to be asleep for at least 8 of those hours, but we'll be a little more realistic and call it 6 (that is a really good night). If a mom gets up before her kids, let's say she's up by 6, so she went to bed sometime around midnight, but probably before because her precious 6 hours was broken up by needs. OK, so it's 6. Now she gets ready for her day and then she spends it with her kids, caring for her kids, cooking for her kids, cleaning up after her kids, going shopping with her kids, eating with her kids, putting her kids to bed and then hopefully taking a little time for herself from 8 until she collapses into bed. And for most women there is a husband that goes along with all this madness. And I mean madness in a good way.

Take a mom who also works outside the home. She gets up at 6, gets ready, gets her kids ready, takes her kids to their care-takers or school, runs to work, works with people who aren't necessarily interested in what her plans are for dinner, what her daughter said that morning that was so cute, or anything else for that matter, picks her kids up, cooks, eats, spends a few minutes playing, puts her kids to bed and then hopefully takes a little time for herself from 8 until... You get the picture.

Sleep. Wake. Repeat.

Hopefully in the midst of all of this there is a phone call, an email, a coffee date, someone to eat lunch with, etc., someone, anyone, who cares about this mom - stay at home or no - and can listen, pray, laugh, cry, and simply be there for her. We need each other.

But here's what I learned this morning. Get ready because it's big.

I am designed for my life. I was created as a help-meet for my husband, the good man that he is. I was blessed with the privilege to bear our child, and I have the compassion, love, care and instinct to care for her. BUT ONLY WITH GOD'S HELP. He clothes me with strength and dignity (Pr. 31:25); He gives me the ability to speak with wisdom and kindness (Pr. 31:26); He designed me, He goes before me, He upholds me. Being a wife and mother can be exhausting. We are always on-call, rarely acknowledged, often sleep-deprived, and at times (for some of us most of the time) worried. But God designed us to be that encouragement and burst of confidence our husbands need. He designed us to be the band-aid dispenser and professional cuddler while also teaching good manners and living a life of example before our children. He gives us the energy, the drive, the rest, and the HELP we need.

So that is what I realized this morning. I cannot do anything apart from Him. Why do I think my marriage and parenting would be any different? I cannot allow myself to feel or remain isolated. There are a lot of women who are in the same place I am, or who have been there. Women who can walk alongside me and remind me of who I am, what I have been given to do, and that every day, every challenge, every heartache and joy is one more opportunity to love, be joy-filled, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, self-controlled; opportunities for me to point back to my creator who gives me all I need.

Reflections on Middle School

Middle School. Typically when one thinks of that bridge between the great fun of Elementary School and the challenge and adventure of High School, there is a knot in the stomach, a headache forming behind the yes, or a simple scream sounding from somewhere, though one typically denies the source is one's own heart.

Those brief years that take us from ages 12 to 13 or 14 are full of so many changes, both physical and emotional, that people usually give it a bad rap. Middle schools are treated as haz mat zones and their occupants as ticking time bombs.

I spent my two years in middle school on two continents, in two schools, speaking two different languages, living two different lifestyles. As if there isn't enough to deal with in middle school.

Before you get too impressed by the third item listed, you should know my seventh grade class was a "German Immersion" class in which we were to learn everything but math and English in German. It didn't really work that way. To this day math and English are my best subjects.

When I think of middle school, these are the words that come to mind: clique, bully, imagination, cat fights, sleepovers, humility, lessons, change, stubbornness, pride, friends, isolation, crushes, Greek Mythology, Algebra, field trips, my rock collection, Linda, Amber, Shae, Lindsey, Stella, Austria, "Ich bin ein Berliner," sign language, Mia, drama class, Twix, tornado warnings, I could go on and on. But do you know what I see in this list? My life. My friends. The iron that sharpened me. Experiences that shaped who I am to this day. There are multiple stories connected to each word, and every single one - the good, the bad and the ugly - is a part of who I am today.

Middle school is given a poor reputation. Truly. Think about it. Yes we were stubborn and trying too hard during those years, but we still had fun, took the time to be silly, listened to those wiser than us, enjoyed the small things. Yes we took things too seriously sometimes and thought the world was crashing around us she we didn't get our way, but we learned through mistakes and hopefully grew through those times. Boys and girls in middle school don't need another person telling them to shape up, they need people to laugh with them, cry with them, encourage them. Tell the girl turning into a cat to lighten up. Tell the boy falling in love with himself the story of Narcissus. Take them to an amusement park and let them be kids a few more years.

I honestly think the experiences my friends and I went through in middle school kept us from turning into those nasty girls you want to avoid. It was a rough lesson, but I wouldn't trade it. It's a part of me. I want to thank those friends in Germany I listed above. Thank you for being my friend through some of the most challenging years and being a part of who I became. I'd like to thank my 7th grade math teacher for telling my parents I would never be good at math. I'd like to thank Mia for befriending me, that weird American from Europe. I'd like to thank my mom for making me do that song from Starlight Express in drama class, that my teacher told me "took guts."

Hug a middle schooler. Seriously. They need it. Ignore the eye roll and do it. And remember that they may be boy crazy, full of themselves, awkward, falling out over seemingly stupid things, throwing their school work across the room, yelling, slamming doors, spending their money on silly things, and eating a lot, but that's a part of growing up. Remember that they are learning through it all. You were there once. Think back. Don't flinch away from the memories. Embrace them. Middle school is crazy, but if it didn't happen when it does, I think it would be that much harder. God knows what He's doing. I doubt Jesus' friends had TeenBop posters plastered on their walls, but they went through changes that made their parents roll their eyes. What we call middle school, they called growing up. Sure there are things about middle school in America that make it a bit more dramatic than it has to be, and we try too hard to grow up too fast in all the wrong ways while ignoring the important things, maybe, but it is all a part of becoming who we are to become. I for one am thankful for middle school. They are actually, surprisingly, some of the years I miss the most.

Let him who boasts boast in this...

I started this blog entry a while ago. It was birthed while I was thinking about raising a daughter. She needs to understand that it is not her beauty or her intellect that matter in the long run. She cannot put all her stock in either, but rather must turn to the Lord for provision and her identity and worth. A good reminder for her mother as well!

Jeremiah 9:23-24
"Thus says the LORD: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches,
but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.'"

Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Isaiah 44:24-25
"Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: 'I am the LORD, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, who frustrates the signs of liars and makes fools of diviners, who turns wise men back and makes their knowledge foolish'"

Some things one might not think of

As a mom working outside the home, I have learned that there are challenges I did not expect.

1. I actually socialize with my parents and in-laws less than I'd sometimes like. At first I thought it was great because I was seeing so much of them, since we are blessed to have them as our full time child care providers. Then I began to realize that it was like living in proximity to a grandparent that isn't quite far enough away. You get frequent visits, but not lengthy ones.

This is due in part to their having taken care of a child all day, I imagine, and partly they don't want to "keep me." These are valid, but I miss actually sitting down to talk.

2. (not unexpected, since we feel busy in every age and stage of life) I often feel rushed and if I stop for too long I'm being selfish or missing something I should be doing. I don't handle this well.

3. I am starting to really feel the effects of not being with friends. People think, because I work full time, I need all my free time with my husband and daughter. I agree that time with my family is important and I don't get as much as I'd like, but we need time with other people, too. If we are left in isolation then we are left to parent alone and we need others to help us be better people, better parents and a better couple.

I enjoy my time alone with my daughter, and the times we get to hang out as a family, but I also enjoy time with my daughter when I have friends and family around. So I am thankful for the friends we do see and the times we get to spend more than five minutes with our families.

When I grow up...

Of all the blogs I have waiting in the wings to finish, this is the one that seems the most important.

As our daughter grows up before someone else's eyes, I struggle with the reality that I am her mom. Little things remind me and encourage me, such as: when I realize Paul and I change more diapers on average, the strained "Mama" I hear at 6:30 a.m., and the fact that no matter how recently she's eaten, she is always hungry when I pick her up at the end of the day. On the whole, though, I am usually fighting the feeling that I am simply a night-watchman, a babysitter, or a wet nurse to this precious child.

A major source of encouragement comes from those loving hearts that are watching her grow and change: my parents. Not just the couple that raised me, but the couple that raised my husband as well. When I say something particularly discouraging, they endeavor to express to me that what is happening is normal and assure me I am doing OK. They always talk about how delightful she is and share stories of her day with me. Although they each have had their experiences raising five children, they always ask me before they expose our daughter to something new, be it experience or food (which really is an experience in itself). The most amazing thing is that when I start talking about what I'm learning and how I want to do this or that, they listen and don't rush to say, "I know" or explain why I'm off my rocker (and believe me, they know everything I'm telling them and they have their opinions). Between them they've raised 10 kids, and they patiently listen to me tell them how to raise our daughter. For a know-it-all, this is a humbling realization that literally (right this moment) brings tears to my eyes.

So here I am 30 years old still learning from my parents. I am so thankful to have them to learn from and always serve as an example of how I want to be when I grow up: patient, understanding, loving, knowledgeable, teachable, giving.