Why IF? Why you?

The whirlwind was over. It had been a full day. So full we didn't even get a chance to watch the last speaker. Ladies headed home to their families, their homes, their beds, their minds full of God's promises and, hopefully, an inkling that they were significant in God's story. The first IF:Local was over.

I cleaned up, chatting with the ladies who stayed to help, and all of us had the same excitement, the same urgency: more women needed to hear this message. The message that they matter. That each and every one of us has a marked thing before us to do. Now. Not five years from now. Each of us has a race to run. So we need to

"lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:1-2).

We need not compare ourselves to others or others' callings, but simply do that which we were given to do: chase toddlers, be the head of a company, type 90 wpm, save lives, deliver babies, start non-profits, carpool our teens, love our neighbor...the list goes on and on because the key to it all is this: "fix your eyes on Jesus." Repent and believe. 

What is IF? It's a question I got a year ago and a question I am still getting today. IF isn't about numbers or speaker lists. It is about Jesus. It is about making much of Him. Their first year they succeeded in hosting their conference world-wide through IF:Locals practically seamlessly because their heart's desire was for women to hear what God had to say to them: Repent and believe. 

So all I can do to answer this question: What is IF? is to answer this one: What has IF meant to me?

I found out about IF through an acquaintance I met in Alaska in September of 2013. I was following her on social media and she was in Austin one weekend as a leader learning about something that was coming in February: the IF:Gathering. I didn't know much more than you. All I knew was that they were asking women to ask this question: IF God is real, then what? What does it matter? How does it shape and change our lives if God is really real and really who He says He is? They were there to bring women together to engage in the conversation of faith. I was hooked. I started following them, gaining as much information as I could. Their gathering in Austin sold out in record time. They opened it up to streaming locally and I knew that I knew that I was supposed to host an IF:Local, even if I was the only one watching.

As the Lord would have it, I wasn't alone. There were a handful of us sitting, eating, listening, discussing. This is the impact IF had on me in 2014. We were invited just as we were. Perfection was not necessary. Hungry, broken, I sat and listened. I heard that God does not base your future on your past. He is redeeming, renewing, reshaping each of us every day. I heard women talk about our call to be obedient, to believe God's word and encourage one another, to not shrink back, but allow healing to move us forward to heal and free others. Serving God isn't about to-do lists or a "hero complex," but is all about Jesus. "What we do is the natural consequence of the divine company we keep." (paraphrase of Sarah Bessey). I was encouraged to listen to truth and bind the lies in His name. I was challenged to consider what was right before me to be done faithfully. I wasn't needing to look overseas, necessarily, or in need of a book deal or thousands of followers or finding anything that would necessarily uproot my life, but I was needing to consider what passions were stirring right there, right then. I was reminded to affirm others and allow myself to be affirmed. I was challenged to say "Yes" first and then listen, be surrendered to my King and commit myself to the glory of God.

I could type and type and type and talk and talk and talk about everything the Lord showed me through the IF:Gathering in 2014, and has shown me through IF:Table and IF:Equip since, but this post is already crazy long. I was being set free from the bondage I had wrapped myself up in. I have a voice. I can use it to magnify Him at home, in the church, with friends, family, strangers. God was reawakening my heart and He used His vessels at IF to continue that reawakening. 

But what about IF 2015? Why should you go? One word. Believe. We are studying the life of Joshua this year with these as the session themes: We have a call to believe. Why don't we believe? How do we believe? What could happen if we believe?

IF you believe God, then what?

Whether you are sold out for Christ, actively serving Him every day, or struggling each moment to keep faith in Him, or asking if you have ever truly believed or want to believe, then there is a seat for you to sit under the teaching of wise women who have fought the fight, are running their race, and who are ready and open to hear from the Lord and share His truth with you. Be challenged, encouraged, inspired. Rest in the presence of God and be reminded that He delights in YOU.

This beautiful print by Jenn Sparkle is available through the IF:Gathering Shoppe.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her." Luke 1:45 

Yesterday this theme verse from IF 2015 sat on my desk staring at me as I failed and failed and failed again with my daughter. I asked over and over "and what might those promises be, God?" This morning I read Psalm 107:9 "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good." Yesterday I read Psalm 92:14a "They will still yield fruit in old age" which means more to me today in light of yesterday than it did in the thick of yesterday. He has promised to bring fruit through me and satisfy and fill me if I remain faithful and righteous in His calling. Moment to moment may feel empty and tired, but His promises are to fill and use me. 

I am excited to hear more from the Lord in the days and weeks to come. On February 6 & 7 I am excited to hear from Him through speakers and worship directed by His Spirit challenging me to ask what could happen if I truly believed in God's promises for me. But more than anything, I am excited to live 2015 fully believing God's promises to me. Join me?

A time to mourn and a time to dance

Today marks 15 years since the Columbine tragedy.

I have to sit and re-read that sentence a few times to really understand it. Fifteen years. I know I am not alone in feeling that, because I have no physical scars, Columbine's place in my life is somehow less. A phrase from The Holiday keeps running through my mind: "the walking wounded." That is how I felt for a long time. But not this year. This year I started listening to that frightened 17-year old Carey. Fifteen years ago I was locked in a room with 60 others waiting for someone to find us. This year I have not only remembered, I have been allowing myself to feel, to mourn, to recognize that no matter how many years pass, April 20, 1999 is a day that will live forever in my life. However it is not a day that should define who I am. (I am working on a piece that will go further into the details of this process. It has been liberating in many ways.)

Quote from the wall of the Columbine Memorial

April acutely affects me. This month I've been short-tempered, more tired than usual, struggling between the feelings that have run me for 15 years and the feelings I know should be in control. But this April has been different than past years and it isn't just because of the healing that has begun. It is because of April 20, 2014.

Today is Resurrection Sunday. Today we celebrate the day that Christ Jesus defied death. He bore our iniquities, died, and then rose from the dead to give us eternal life. Every time April 20 crossed my mind this year I thought "it's Easter." It's Resurrection Sunday. I know the end of the story! The Lamb wins.

Shouldn't that be our focus in the midst of any sorrow or struggle in our lives: the resurrection? We have a Savior who knows our pain, our sorrow, can "sympathize with our weaknesses" (Hebrews 4:15). He was "obedient to the point of death" (Philippians 2:8) and died as "propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10) and then rose again from the dead to live and intercede for us from the right hand of God (Romans 8:34). The sorrows that affect us in this world are real and we must acknowledge them, grieve for them, and heal and grow but not outside of the reality of the resurrection. Christ's suffering, death, and triumph over both should frame our experiences. His truth, grace, love, mercy should motivate our actions and reactions.

So today I mourn a day - an act of man - that forever changed my life and how I interact with the world.

Today I celebrate a day - an act of God - that forever changed history - the future - and affects every aspect of life - yours and mine - for all of eternity. My God lives. No matter what happens to me in this life, that truth outweighs it all.

"I will tell of Your name to my brethren;
In the midst of the assembly I will praise You.

You who fear the Lord, praise Him;
All you descendants of Jacob, glorify Him,
And stand in awe of Him, all you descendants of Israel.

For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted;
Nor has He hidden His face from him;
But when he cried to Him for help, He heard."

Psalm 22:22-24

The Night Watch

Why are times of sorrow, struggle, doubt times when we find ourselves up at odd hours of the night? We can't sleep, so we toss and turn. A new baby wakes every two to three hours. Children often get sick at night. I, for one, always find myself praying for dawn. All I need is light to give me that glimmer of hope, that whisper of a promise. When someone else is awake, I can cope a little bit better.

But the Lord never sleeps.

I am not going through one of these times. In fact, recently, my daughter has decided sleeping through the night is a pretty good deal, and I agree with her. But as I woke this morning, as I usually do these days, before dawn, I thought I would read through "The Night Watch," a prayer time that falls typically from midnight to dawn. I rarely read these prayers and readings because I am so literal. They are the midnight prayers, the night vigil, and I am up intending for my day to begin. I am glad I made an exception today.

Here are some of the words I read this morning:

Psalm 119:147-148
"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise."

Why is the author awake? So he can "meditate on [God's] promise"! I rarely think about meditating on God's promises when I find myself awake against my will. But consider if I woke up ON PURPOSE to cry out to God and meditate on His promises during times of great struggle, doubt and oppression. What if we all did during those times for each other or our country?

My dear mentor, who is helping me, encouraging me, and participating with me to memorize scripture, has told me to take a line or a verse from the passage and focus on it all day. What does it mean? How does it apply to situations in life? Today, as I read through Psalm 63 as a part of this prayer time, I found myself reading four verses through again and again:

Psalm 63:5-8
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."

Within these verses are promises remembered, refuge taken, praises sung. Notice the benefit for our souls when we meditate on the Lord "in the watches of the night": "satisfied as with fat and rich food." How hungry my soul has become over the years. Too often I neglect that which my soul needs in times of greatest need. It is the Lord who sustains and upholds me.

It is different for me to think of being up during the night as a time to seek the Lord's face and rest in His promises, meditating on all He is - in other words a blessing - but I pray I remember to do just that when it happens because He is not a God of day alone, but He created the night as well.

Let him who boasts boast in this...

I started this blog entry a while ago. It was birthed while I was thinking about raising a daughter. She needs to understand that it is not her beauty or her intellect that matter in the long run. She cannot put all her stock in either, but rather must turn to the Lord for provision and her identity and worth. A good reminder for her mother as well!

Jeremiah 9:23-24
"Thus says the LORD: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches,
but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.'"

Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Isaiah 44:24-25
"Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: 'I am the LORD, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, who frustrates the signs of liars and makes fools of diviners, who turns wise men back and makes their knowledge foolish'"

Do not fear...

This week hits me hard every year. When I heard about Columbine's lockout on Monday, I got angry. I don't want students to have to deal with this stuff. They should be able to go to school every day without fear. As I wrestled with that, it struck me that we are one of the few nations that can boast such a freedom. And yet the true freedom from fear comes from one source.

We truly have no right to freedom from persecution or danger, but we do have freedom from fear. This is a difficult truth for me, I am ashamed to say. Perhaps that is why my youth pastor gave me Isaiah 41:10 as one of my three life verses when I graduated:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I love learning

Today I was asked a question about the Seven Spirits of God that are mentioned four times in Revelation. I confess I knew nothing. So I looked up the Revelation verses, checked out a commentary or two and looked up the Greek. There is nothing special about the words used. Seven means the number seven and Spirit is the same Greek word used every time the Holy Spirit is mentioned in the New Testament. So why "seven spirits"?

Apparently there are differing viewpoints. One drew me to a passage I had forgotten about, Isaiah 11. These verses speak of Jesus. Verse two talks about the Spirit: "And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD." But only six things are listed here. Apparently that's why not everyone agrees this is what is meant.

My favorite description is that the number seven is used to depict completion and perfection. So the "seven spirits" simply emphasizes the fullness of the Spirit of God. In Revelation 1 He speaks with the Father and the Son. In Revelation 3 and 5, Christ has Him. In Revelation 4 He is before the throne with the Father. Naturally my interpretation could be wrong, but it was fun to look into and consider. In fact through this He seems to be all the more a part of the Godhead. Here you can see the "Trinity," as it has been titled. And it was nice to reread Isaiah 11 realizing that same Spirit dwells in me, and the promises of that chapter are true! Christ has fulfilled the prophecies!

More good advice

2 Peter 1:3-11

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

I am afraid of my own selfishness. For it has no place: faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, love. I fear this new season lastly because of my own potential for failure. But I have all I need: "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness...." What a promise!

"a dot fell to the ground"

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple." 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

When I read 1 Kings 5 and 6, the description of the preparation for and the construction of the temple, I read of the care, the costly materials, the beauty. I read God's promise to Solomon. And I think, "You are that temple."

I am of no use to anyone if I do not first recognize my worth in the eyes of my Creator. As Eli the woodworker says in Max Lucado's You Are Special: "you are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

4:9

"What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:9

What does my daughter see and hear? What will she learn? We dedicated our daughter publicly on Sunday. One of the verses we chose for her was Philippians 4:8. All day today I kept thinking about 4:9. This is what we would like to be able to tell her. Live such that she can practice her life as she sees us living ours out. Wow.

I am so thankful, as I know Paul is, for family and friends who will not only help us live as we ought, but will also be examples themselves for our daughter all her life.

Enlighten my eyes!

I am currently studying Psalm 13 with my mentor. In it David prays to have his eyes enlightened. This terminology has occurred before in our studies, in Psalm 19:8b- "the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes." I wasn't fully sure what this meant. What does it mean to have my eyes enlightened? A dying man's vision grows dark. So in a sense it is to regain life? Psalm 13 is about God forgetting us, but this is not the truth, merely our view of our circumstances. I like what the author of the book we are using says:

"I believe that David is suggesting that the problem of a forgetting God is in our view of Him. When we feel that God has forgotten us, then we need Him to answer our prayer, which we learned to pray from God's servant David: 'Enlighten my eyes!' We need to have our eyes refocused on the character of our God."*

"God has answered the prayer of David. He has 'enlightened his eyes' by providing a new view of His character....In our own day of distress it would be a mistake to look for a new revelation of God from a priest, a prophet, or any other source. For we have a complete revelation in the Scriptures of God, something David had only in part. We need not new words, but a new insight into and a fresh understanding of the old words. Our problem often is not a lack of revelation, but a failure to appropriate the revelation we have. ...We look for a new level, or a fresh reminder, or a new understanding in the Scriptures of God."*

The Word of God is living and just what we need. I am thankful for it, though I do not show my gratitude well. The promises of Psalm 19 are uplifting: "The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever." It is not trite to say "pray and read your Bible" when we are going through rough times, it is the best prescription we can be given. All we need is to go into it with a contrite heart, ready to hear what the Lord has for us.

*Quoted from Praise! A Matter of Life and Breath by Ronald Barclay Allen

"all things"

What does Philippians 4:13 really mean? I suspect just what it says: "I can do 'fill in the blank'...." But that is not where the thought ends. The most important part is what follows: "through Him who strengthens me." Without Christ I am done for. But with Him I can manage anything life has to offer. I simply must remember that it is NOT by my strength nor is it for my glory. I must live for His glory. All I do for my husband, everything we teach our daughter, it must all be for His glory.

A Charge

"As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right."

1 Samuel 12:23

TRUTH

"What is truth?"

Pilate wanted to know (Jn 18:38). So do many of us.

This is what I see:

• Jesus said to His Father, "Your word is truth" (Jn 17:17).
• Jesus said "I tell you the truth" 78 times in the Gospels. Thirty of those are in Matthew alone.
  

Pilate looked Truth in the face. Still he did not recognize it.

And the winner is...

I feel a bit like Gumby these days. Or maybe something caught in a hurricane - blown here and there, never settling. I think I know what I should do in life and then I get another idea and suddenly I'm not happy with the first idea, so I start to vacillate and wham! no idea. I go through ideas like I go through tissue! I love doing a lot of things. Today I was told that's a gift. I'd never thought of it that way.

I want to glorify God, which I can do in many ways, including (thank you, Lord) where I currently am in life. I want to work with people. But I also want to do what is necessary. I love numbers, but I miss playing with words and learning. I miss the idea of sharing what I've learned with others through books or speaking. When did I stop calling myself a writer? Why didn't I stand up and speak at my brother's rehearsal dinner? Why are there days I can talk to anyone and say anything and days when I'd rather be hiding in a corner, nothing to say, no interest in anyone?

I've been asking myself a lot lately how I became this tightly wound ball of stress and negativity, and due to a number of possible factors all occurring at the same time, I couldn't pinpoint a source; today I think I have. I stopped reading my Bible everyday. I am thankful today because God has given me a gift. He has placed some people in my life that are playing an intricate part in re-igniting my love for His word and helping me see its value in a deeper and more meaningful way than I'm afraid I have in a long time. And today I am at peace.

Our Rescuer

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."
Isaiah 61:1-3

Secure in the Everlasting Arms

"A prayerful heart and an obedient heart will learn, very slowly and not without sorrow, to stake everything on God Himself" (p. 34).

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

"We are meddling with God's business when we let all manner of imaginings loose, predicting disaster, contemplating possibilities instead of following, one day at a time, God's plain and simple pathway. When we try to meet difficulties prematurely we have neither the light nor the strength for them yet. 'As thy days so shall thy strength be' was Moses' blessing for Asher - in other words, your strength will equal your days" (p. 37).

"Faithfulness today is the best preparation for the demands of tomorrow" (p. 39).

"Are we assured that we are safe in the hands that hold the stars? Can we wholeheartedly surrender to God, leaving quietly with Him all the 'what ifs' and 'but what abouts'? Will we truthfully say to Him, 'Anything You choose for me, Lord - to have to be, to do, or to suffer. I am at Your orders. I have no agenda of my own'?" (p. 39)

excerpts from Secure in the Everlasting Arms by Elisabeth Elliot

the strength of my heart

"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works."
Psalm 73:25-28

Who He Says He Is

"Helen's life has been a graveyard of loss, a scrap yard of betrayal. But ask her any day what she knows, and she'll tell you, 'God is good. He loves me.' Her conviction about that hasn't come by toting up her days of wounds and wars, weighing them against her days of laughter and bounty, and seeing which tips the scale. Her belief has a different taproot: God is simply who He says He is, regardless of what her troubles might have tempted her to think or surmise. Helen stands in a venerable tradition. She is part of that great cloud of witnesses who, living by faith, refuse to reduce God to their own experience, to limit His love by the evidence of their own circumstances." ~Mark Buchanan from The Holy Wild (pp 78-9)

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness."
Jeremiah 31:3b,c

Strengthen Your Brothers

I read this yesterday morning and saw it with new eyes:

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." ~Luke 22:31-32

"when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

I had always seen that Jesus had prayed for Peter's faith not to fail, but then he also encouraged Peter to strengthen his brothers - because he would know better what he believed.

Last night at Bible Study we were in 1 Peter, and someone mentioned the fact that Peter had failed so much and it was ironical that he was now encouraging the readers of his letter to stay strong. The weight of the above quote hit me once again - that's exactly why he was writing the letter - he knew the importance of standing strong - he knew the value of the salvation that comes through Jesus' sacrifice - he knew the value of grace.

We are far from useless in God's hands - despite our failures - when we allow Him to pick us up and brush us off, God will use us to strengthen His people.