Why IF? Why you?

The whirlwind was over. It had been a full day. So full we didn't even get a chance to watch the last speaker. Ladies headed home to their families, their homes, their beds, their minds full of God's promises and, hopefully, an inkling that they were significant in God's story. The first IF:Local was over.

I cleaned up, chatting with the ladies who stayed to help, and all of us had the same excitement, the same urgency: more women needed to hear this message. The message that they matter. That each and every one of us has a marked thing before us to do. Now. Not five years from now. Each of us has a race to run. So we need to

"lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:1-2).

We need not compare ourselves to others or others' callings, but simply do that which we were given to do: chase toddlers, be the head of a company, type 90 wpm, save lives, deliver babies, start non-profits, carpool our teens, love our neighbor...the list goes on and on because the key to it all is this: "fix your eyes on Jesus." Repent and believe. 

What is IF? It's a question I got a year ago and a question I am still getting today. IF isn't about numbers or speaker lists. It is about Jesus. It is about making much of Him. Their first year they succeeded in hosting their conference world-wide through IF:Locals practically seamlessly because their heart's desire was for women to hear what God had to say to them: Repent and believe. 

So all I can do to answer this question: What is IF? is to answer this one: What has IF meant to me?

I found out about IF through an acquaintance I met in Alaska in September of 2013. I was following her on social media and she was in Austin one weekend as a leader learning about something that was coming in February: the IF:Gathering. I didn't know much more than you. All I knew was that they were asking women to ask this question: IF God is real, then what? What does it matter? How does it shape and change our lives if God is really real and really who He says He is? They were there to bring women together to engage in the conversation of faith. I was hooked. I started following them, gaining as much information as I could. Their gathering in Austin sold out in record time. They opened it up to streaming locally and I knew that I knew that I was supposed to host an IF:Local, even if I was the only one watching.

As the Lord would have it, I wasn't alone. There were a handful of us sitting, eating, listening, discussing. This is the impact IF had on me in 2014. We were invited just as we were. Perfection was not necessary. Hungry, broken, I sat and listened. I heard that God does not base your future on your past. He is redeeming, renewing, reshaping each of us every day. I heard women talk about our call to be obedient, to believe God's word and encourage one another, to not shrink back, but allow healing to move us forward to heal and free others. Serving God isn't about to-do lists or a "hero complex," but is all about Jesus. "What we do is the natural consequence of the divine company we keep." (paraphrase of Sarah Bessey). I was encouraged to listen to truth and bind the lies in His name. I was challenged to consider what was right before me to be done faithfully. I wasn't needing to look overseas, necessarily, or in need of a book deal or thousands of followers or finding anything that would necessarily uproot my life, but I was needing to consider what passions were stirring right there, right then. I was reminded to affirm others and allow myself to be affirmed. I was challenged to say "Yes" first and then listen, be surrendered to my King and commit myself to the glory of God.

I could type and type and type and talk and talk and talk about everything the Lord showed me through the IF:Gathering in 2014, and has shown me through IF:Table and IF:Equip since, but this post is already crazy long. I was being set free from the bondage I had wrapped myself up in. I have a voice. I can use it to magnify Him at home, in the church, with friends, family, strangers. God was reawakening my heart and He used His vessels at IF to continue that reawakening. 

But what about IF 2015? Why should you go? One word. Believe. We are studying the life of Joshua this year with these as the session themes: We have a call to believe. Why don't we believe? How do we believe? What could happen if we believe?

IF you believe God, then what?

Whether you are sold out for Christ, actively serving Him every day, or struggling each moment to keep faith in Him, or asking if you have ever truly believed or want to believe, then there is a seat for you to sit under the teaching of wise women who have fought the fight, are running their race, and who are ready and open to hear from the Lord and share His truth with you. Be challenged, encouraged, inspired. Rest in the presence of God and be reminded that He delights in YOU.

This beautiful print by Jenn Sparkle is available through the IF:Gathering Shoppe.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her." Luke 1:45 

Yesterday this theme verse from IF 2015 sat on my desk staring at me as I failed and failed and failed again with my daughter. I asked over and over "and what might those promises be, God?" This morning I read Psalm 107:9 "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good." Yesterday I read Psalm 92:14a "They will still yield fruit in old age" which means more to me today in light of yesterday than it did in the thick of yesterday. He has promised to bring fruit through me and satisfy and fill me if I remain faithful and righteous in His calling. Moment to moment may feel empty and tired, but His promises are to fill and use me. 

I am excited to hear more from the Lord in the days and weeks to come. On February 6 & 7 I am excited to hear from Him through speakers and worship directed by His Spirit challenging me to ask what could happen if I truly believed in God's promises for me. But more than anything, I am excited to live 2015 fully believing God's promises to me. Join me?

Breathe!

We serve a God who can breathe life into dry bones.

Let that sink in for a moment.

One year ago today I was at Red Rocks Amphitheater with my husband's family watching Chris Tomlin on his Burning Lights tour. I didn't want to be there. I was tired. Nervous. Far from God. I had just been approached a few days prior by a concerned friend who was afraid I was suffering from postpartum depression (I found out a few weeks later she was right). As I sat in Red Rocks watching the people around me, I wondered how many of them felt like I did - like they were pretending. It didn't feel like a place where I could really worship.

My heart was hard. My emotions unmoving. I was uncomfortable and felt out of place. I knew I was loved by God. I knew I loved God. But I wanted to go home. Get into bed. Tomlin opened with "God's Great Dance Floor." I couldn't move. I just stood there. Stood because I "had to." Then "Awake My Soul" played. Most of it washed over me until Lacrae started in with the scripture. Ezekiel's vision of dry bones coming back to life. "Conjure the four winds of breath and breathe!" Suddenly there were the words "Awake! Awake! Awake my soul; God resurrect these bones." And my heart broke. The tears fell. I still cry when I hear "BREATHE!" on that album.

When the next song played I listened, I sang, I prayed "It will be my joy to say Your will, Your way....There's no life apart from You." Then "Indescribable" reminded me of the God I serve and "White Flag" and "Sovereign" helped me pray my surrender. By the end of the concert (Louie Giglio spoke and there were more songs to which I sang my heart out), I knew I wasn't healed, I knew I had a long road to walk, but I knew I wouldn't be alone in the journey. I was reminded of this great and magnificent God I serve. He loves me, sees me, draws me to Him even when I am blank and blocking the world out.

After I had my daughter, I stopped caring about anything. I stopped noticing the world and the people around me. I didn't notice I was doing it, either, because I'm not even sure I noticed myself. I was just trying to survive. But God had me in the palm of His hand. He was watching over me and my husband and my daughter. He kept me from doing anything rash and loved us all through it. Then He gave me a gift. A big, loud, bright, crazy gift. His Holy Spirit sweeping through thousands of His people, burning in my ears, my heart, and my soul.

I am still healing from years of apathy and attempted perfection's scars on my life. But this path of healing I have been on started on May 4, 2013. Three days after a friend said, "Carey, I'm worried about you." God was right there with the words I needed to hear. He was right there with the people I needed. He was right there holding me, and He still is. He led me to my counselor, He flew with me to fish camp in Alaska, He guides my hand as I journal, He urges me to love and serve and see people again. All of these things have been part of the healing journey. God hears my cries and answers my prayers. He knows my fears and cradles me in His everlasting arms. He has led me to teachers and scriptures and conferences and Bible studies and passions I never knew I had.

I am so thankful for this Great Prodigal God who runs to me and embraces me. As we sang this morning in church, "Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did you leave us on our own. You are faithful. God, You are faithful." Amen! Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness and breathing life back into these dry bones.

Tomlin, Chris. Burning Lights. Sparrow (Universal), 2013.

Reasons for Thanks-Giving

A little over two weeks ago I left the home of my mentor, Elaine. I have posted a little about her on my photography blog. We had just spent 45 minutes or so re-reading Psalms we have memorized together, sharing our latest news, and praying. I told her a deep fear of mine. A fear that has resulted in a loss. Not a physical loss, but the loss of a good desire for something I have always wanted. Just before I left her home, Elaine reminded me that, like David, we are allowed to "pour out [our] complaint before [the Lord]" (Psalm 142) and to ask, seek, knock. So I did.

On my way home I cried out to the Lord with everything that is in me. I confessed. I wept. I have eaten of the fruit and seen my nakedness, the fear that grips my soul and suffocates my trust. But though God is a God of justice, He is also a God of mercy. He sent His Son to die for my abundant sins. I am covered by Christ's sacrifice. I am new. I have turned my face and focused on the fear, the anxiety, the unknown, but I need to look to Christ, look "full in His wondrous face." I am loved with an everlasting love. I must acknowledge my dependence on God. Without Him I am nothing. I have nothing.

So in my car, driving home, tears pouring down my face, I praised Him.

"I have no breath without Your sovereignty.

I have no health with Your healing.
I have no husband without Your grace.
I have no daughter without Your opening.
I have no job without Your blessing.
I have no family without Your design.
I have no friends without Your gifting.
I have no food without Your provision.
I have no talent without Your giving.
I have no salvation without Your mercy."

Do you struggle finding a reason to give thanks this Thanksgiving? I know I often forget the list above. The truth that our God sees us, hears us, provides for us, cares for us somehow gets lost in dailyness of life. So here is a place to start:

Be thankful for that God. The God of justice and mercy.
Be thankful for the people around you. Find ways to show them the grace you are shown.
And be thankful for you as you are today. You will continue to change and grow and that is good. But today you are who you are and you are designed, loved, significant.