Have a glass of wine and a laughter-filled conversation and call me in the morning

In a recent class my husband watched a video about stress. In this video they talked about the health benefits of community. Not only do company, compassion and laughter reduce stress they also release hormones that rebuild the telomeres of your DNA, which are shortened by stress, decreasing your ability to replicate DNA and increasing your genetic aging. So the biggest enemy in the midst of stress is that we isolate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed. In reality we need people. We need to serve others!

I found this an interesting lesson, especially in America where our busy schedules make even meeting together in community a thing to stress over. When our stress often gives us excuses to avoid situations where we may serve others. We do not typically sit for hours at a community table every day or find ourselves in easy company by chance. We eat on the fly, rushing from one thing to the next. We fight for hours if not days trying to set up times that work for everyone to get together or even just one other person to meet for coffee. And then when we succeed typically there is something else to get to or a cell phone constantly reminding us of the time, etc., so the time we spend in company is less relaxing than it could or should be. We are also so focused on our own schedules we miss seeing the needs of others.

Maybe it's just me.

I do find it fascinating that God designed us for relationship. So much so, it would seem, that community not only makes us feel better emotionally but physically as well. I knew my crazy schedule was missing something.

2 down...84 to go

I set out to use Lent as a time of preparation for this new season of life: Paul in nursing school. I don't know how successful I was. Mostly I don't know that you can fully prepare for something like this. I think I learned more in the first week than I did over Lent. The lesson that repeated, though, was that God is in control and His strength is the only way we can get through anything in our lives. Definitely what I need to remember.

I did not yet know the extent of my selfishness before this began. Truly. That is one thing I learned the first week. I probably still don't. Things were bumpy until I forced myself to think about all of this from Paul's perspective and encourage him the way he needs it. Not being surly but rub his shoulders, make meals, keep the coffee stocked. There are and will be other things we need to work through together, but the first lesson is learned: this isn't easy on either of us and part of my job is to help.

I actually have successfully prepared meals and kept the kitchen clean. I get to work mostly on time despite having to take V somewhere every day. I realize two weeks is nothing in light of 21 months, but it gives me hope for all of it. Only by God's strength, though, because by Thursday I'm beat! And only by His strength, presence and mercy can I continue to pour into my home all the encouragement, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, love and respect my man and baby girl need. 84 weeks? This is the rest of our lives!

Relationally speaking

I have been given the opportunity, along with a fellow youth worker, to field questions from the boys in our youth group regarding relationships. This will round out a series the youth pastor has been doing on dating, marriage, sex, etc. In thinking about Sunday, I cannot be sure of the questions we will be asked or how we will get the ball rolling on the discussion, so I keep coming back to these questions:

What do I want my daughter to know? How do I want her to behave? How do I want her to treat herself?
What do I want the boys and men in her life to know? How do I want them to behave? How do I want them to treat her?
What did I want?
What do I wish I'd known?
What have I learned from my relationships and experiences?
Is there anything I wish I'd done differently?

There is so much! What follows is but a fraction... I'm writing a book on the subject...or I was. Targeted to girls, of course. In fact, this is the first time I've thought about it in terms of guys because of what I could get asked on Sunday. All we can really do to prepare is pray. God is the one in charge, after all :) I just have a strong desire for these men and women to recognize that God is the author and perfecter of everything good in their lives and they do not need to chase after the world to get what they think they want when God has all they would ever need.

Girls, you are precious in God's sight and His opinion is the only one that truly matters. You can have a healthy, growing relationship with someone that doesn't involve physical contact. Whether you know it or not, you are a temptation to boys in your life. Respect them, respect yourself. You have such power you wield with your words, your looks, your body. Be aware. The words "I love you" are precious and hold more weight when used with care. Your body is the temple of God and He dwells within You. Guard your heart. Don't feel the need to tell everyone everything. The more you grow in your love and knowledge of the Lord and who He has designed you to be, the more you will be ready for life, no matter what that holds for you. Contentment cannot be bought or found in a relationship, it is a choice that is made by placing all of our hopes on the One who can make them reality. No man will fulfill your every wish and dream. They are imperfect. Only God gives you exactly what you need because only He knows exactly what you need.

Boys, you are powerful and hold such potential for harm and for good. You are a son of God and He loves you and His opinion is the only one that matters. Your actions can promise something you never intended. Be aware of how you treat the girls in your life. Those girls will grow up to be wives someday, and they will not all be yours. How do you want your wife to be treated? Girls are emotional beings. The more you ask of them and the more you tell them, the more they feel a part of your life and heart. Physical contact is not necessary, in fact, it is dangerous. Respect yourself. Respect the girls in your life, even if you have to do it by requesting they stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable. God is the source of all you will ever need. He has such plans for you that you cannot even imagine. Give Him the time and energy towards preparing you for His purposes. Guard your eyes. Fill your mind with what is true, pure, right, good.

Digging deeper

One reason I keep a journal and blog is that I feel quite forgetful. It seems to me that I learn something and then no more than three weeks go by and I reread and think, "oh yeah!"

From March 4th: "how I treat my husband is an act of worship; how I treat our daughter is an act of worship. Humbling thoughts." So I must ask myself how I am worshiping. With my own desires in view or with Paul's best in heart and mind? To worship well what should my behavior be?

In whose name?

Colossians 3:12-17 is excellent marriage advice; good advice for any relationship, really:

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

What do I live for? In what name do I do things? In other words, who gets the glory? What example do I offer for someone "living for Christ"? If I actually do everything I do in Christ's name, do I honor Him or shame Him?