Communication

I am reminded of my inability to communicate my desires well. Typically I would like my husband to plan dates without being asked, to help with dinner just to spend a little more time with me without being asked, to acknowledge my greatness and self-sacrifice without being asked :/

Sigh.

You notice the pattern: I don't want to ask. Why not? Does asking truly make it less special? No, the not asking just frustrates him and leaves me hurt that he didn't miraculously do what I wanted.

Of course the more savvy among you also noticed my real issue: I think I am great and self-sacrificing. Pride: the thorn in my side. I must acknowledge the Lord's work in and through me and work to respect my husband and serve him. This is especially important as we head into a period of our life together when we won't see a lot of each other and how we feel and what we need must be clearly communicated.

There is a book out about the love languages, but how do men feel respected? I can't be 100% sure, but I believe one way my husband does is to be heard out and let his ideas have a chance before they are dismissed. This may not extend to bungee jumping at the moment, but still he has a point.

No Eternal Significance

I get annoyed. A lot. Usually about little insignificant things. At some point this summer I had a realization: "This has no eternal significance." All those little seemingly huge things that get my blood boiling...they are insignificant. Truly. I try to remind myself of this when I get riled up. I think I need to be calmer in life in general, less stressed, less dramatic, especially about those things that hold no eternal significance.

But then I realize something else...if this thing has no eternal significance, then what does? In other words, what should I be getting "worked up" over. What should I care about?

What does my life communicate to others concerning what truly matters?

The Real Reality

Before we share life we have to live it.

Why is it when people ask me what's new I can never think of anything? A great many of us spend a great deal of energy on another type of virtual reality (see other post on the virtual reality of communication): the movies we watch and the shows we pour hours into. (I even waste time talking about movies I've never seen and yet hate with a blinding passion.) Suddenly we aren't experiencing life and sharing our experiences with each other, we are sharing the life of a fictional character we spent two hours getting to know, and reliving funny moments and exciting experiences they have had. Adventures we only had to sit on the couch to experience.

I wonder if this isn't one of the enemy's most dastardly ploys. What better way to get us to "experience" life without actually living it and at the same time introducing us to things we so easily attach ourselves to, forgetting what lies ahead: that most real reality? Most of the movies we watch are merely shadows - more so than this life is a shadow of that same real reality - they are ideas that seem so real, life will always seem to pale to them until it is actually embraced and lived. All of our "If only..."s become forgotten as we feel real emotion stirred up by actual living.

I do not judge; I confess. Here is my confessional. What emotions I have felt watching movies about things I want to be passionate about. How excited I have gotten about things I could be doing - maybe, someday. I use the movies and the subsequent emotion as an excuse: "obviously I care, but I'm not like that person!" But even in the midst of all of this I feel there is still hope. We do not have to fall victim to this life lived in front of a T.V. screen. All the excuses in the world cannot deny the whisper that comes that we are designed for something so much greater than this "shadowland."

You can't experience the real life through a movie any more than you can get to know someone through bits of information fed through a "What's on your mind?" prompt on a website. Even as I write this I wonder to myself: "Where do I begin?" And the answer is "With the Truth." The more time I spend in the Word and seeking the Lord in prayer, the clearer I will be able to understand and live this life He has given me "abundantly." Praise the Lord He offers us His help and continual grace and mercy!

Alone in a Sea of Communication

Apparently I often fall into communication funks. I sit on Facebook, or clicking in and out of my Gmail inbox, waiting for some sliver of information, news of life happening. The sad thing is my life is slowly passing me by as I wait. So are the lives of all the people I care about. How much of their lives never see a Facebook status?

It's in times such as these that I start speculating on how Facebook has ruined communication. Whatever happened to letters - you know them, those hand written things we used to have to LIVE in order to fill - and phone calls - the ones that could last hours because we're connecting with someone - and face to face conversations? We need to experience life in order to communicate more than a Facebook status to someone about our lives.

Our reality has become virtual in many ways. Naturally everything I'm discussing here is my own doing, my own fault. I do have conversations with people, and I could call my friends and ask if they have the time to sit with me, maybe over coffee or dinner, or a nice walk. Somewhere along the line I got it into my head, though, that I only need to do that when I have something to share - usually negative - and that no one wants to hear my problems. I complain too much and I HATE complaining. It's so negative. I hate dumping that on others. I just want to hear about everyone else's lives.

Why do I think people don't want to extend the courtesy back to me? Especially since it's a big fat lie; the Carey inside is screaming to be let out, for someone to listen and care about what she's going through, that her heart is 15 times heavier than it should be. Or give her a good talking to: "Carey, you aren't the center of the universe!" "Carey! You aren't always right!" "Carey, you're loved more than you could ever fathom!"

Of course there's another problem: I have no idea how to have a conversation. Okay, explain to me again, how does it go? You talk, then I talk, and we discuss some subject either one or the both of us has an interest in and we learn something? Not only about each other, but maybe (just maybe), the world we live in, the God we serve, and the role we play?

Shocker.

Or I have a burden that I need shared by a fellow disciple and you're willing to hear it and pray for me? Or I get to share yours? Or how about a praise of God's faithfulness and wonder?

Sharing LIFE. But first we have to live it! (This I decided to expound upon in its own post.)

You can't get to know someone through bits of information fed through a "What's on your mind?" prompt on a website. Texting only offers you one iota of the human you are attempting to connect with. Just like masterpiece meals take more than 30 minutes, true relationships take longer than a half hour here or there.

So here I stand, bombarded on every side by information, technology, and immediate gratification, screaming out for someone to take more than a cyberspace minute's interest in my life.

Makes me wonder how many more souls around me are crying out for the same.

Did you hear about...? Oh, yes, I read about it on facebook!

Today I found out that it may snow tonight and tomorrow. I am particularly distressed by this news because it is my birthday and I would rather it be 55 degrees, rainy with a patch or two of sun, a nice fire, some hot cocoa, a good book and even better company. But alas, it is not to be so.

That said, I was so annoyed at this discovery I wanted to update my facebook status immediately. But I forgot my phone today, and I was away from my desk when I thought of it. And then something truly strange happened. I was asked by the teller at the bank how my day was going, and I was able to share with her what I had heard about the weather. Then we chatted about the actual possibility and how we weren't truly ready for the winter coats to be hauled out of storage, etc. Some of her co-workers chimed in and we had a nice chat.

Imagine that. I talked to humans. Now obviously I am not against technology, hence I am updating all of you at once via this blog about my experience today, and I do talk to my friends on a fairly regular basis, but I do sometimes wonder at the fact that I spend so much time updating facebook and then never talk about what I say there in person with anyone. I feel I'm losing my ability to communicate! Or maybe I'm just over-reacting. I'll never really know because I'll never talk to anyone about it, and it will remain this unanswered question floating out there in the world of little 1's and 0's.