Trust

Madeleine L'Engle wrote that she would pray the Jesus prayer when she found her mind wandering during prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner." I once adopted that. My mind wanders a lot, of this I am aware. What happened so gradually over the course of my life that I didn't notice is that my entire focus wandered. Not just my thoughts during prayer or worship. Not just my thoughts watching a movie or during a boring conversation. My entire focus has wandered off. What I see before my eyes now is a big, fat, ugly word.

It's so big and obvious that I can't see much else. I walk in its shadow. I filter most of what I do through it, envisioning disaster, sorrow, pain. So when I stumbled upon this idea of focusing on one word every day for a year through One Word 365, I was instantly intrigued. I have friends preparing to read through the Bible this year. I need to start a little smaller. One word. But which word? There are many I have thought of. But one stands out because in order to Grieve, Live, Embrace, Grow, Love, I must Trust.

So here is a new word to focus on. A new truth to filter everything through. The filter of trust.

The Lord is my strength. (Ex 15:2)
Rest is found in Christ. (Mt 11:28)
Unless we go through Christ, we cannot go to the Father. (Jn14:6)
Straight are the paths He lays before me. (Pr 3:6)
Today is the only day I have. (Jms 4:13-17)

I must trust that the Lord's ways are good. I must trust in His sovereignty. I must trust that He is at work in me "both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). This used to be a fairly easy thing for me to understand. I cannot go back to who I once was, but I can continue on into the future, each day becoming more the woman God intends for me to be. Resting in His faithfulness, goodness, strength. Glorifying Him and enjoying Him forever (Westminster Shorter Catechism #1). Thankful (another great word) for His Grace, Mercy, Love, Presence.

A new journey. A new beginning. Nothing's really changing. Just my focus.

Sufficient

Definition: enough to meet the needs of a situation
(source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary online)

Usage:
"My grace is sufficient for you"
2 Corinthians 12:9

Conclusion: What more do I need?

God is Good...All the Time.

I am often reminded of how tremendously blessed I am in this life. I truly don't deserve it. I have a supportive and loving family (two now!), a husband who loves me and cares for me, friends that do as well. I have a job in which I am appreciated and looked after, a roof over my head, food on the table, and the ability and desire to cook it :o)

I am blessed. My Creator has given me so much. Salvation, love, mercy and grace, plus everything mentioned above. What more do I really need?

Pictured here are five testimonies to God's grace in my life. My Bridesmaids and Matron of Honour. When I see this picture I am filled to overflowing with love and appreciation for who each and every one of these ladies are and their individual roles in my life. Not only in the past before the engagement, or in the months leading to the wedding, or in the wedding itself, but their roles in my life in day-to-day living and growing and understanding of friendship and who God is. I learn from each and every one of them. They each have something so unique that they offer me, and I am thankful for them. What an honor it was to have them stand by my side as witnesses at our wedding. What an honor it is to have them walk through this life along with me as witnesses through each day to God's great provision, creativity, and grace.

To my beautiful ladies: You are reflections of His glory not only in my life but in each of the dark and narrow places where you shine His light. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you, each and every one.

Grace Under Pressure

I just found this scribbled out in my notebook under the heading "blogs to write":

I have studied Esther to some extent and feel it would do me good to refresh my memory of who she was and the character she exhibited as a woman who lived with grace, even under the most extreme circumstances.

Being human I have a great many short-comings, one of which is being too quick to point out and condemn the rest of them. But I step aside from my attempt to curb this nasty habit in order to mention this: I have a great desire to be a woman who is calm and trustworthy even when things begin to unravel, fully relinquishing control to the Master while doing all I need to do. In other words, I want to be a grace-filled woman under pressure.

Paul described me today (May 1st) as a volcano: the pressure builds until kaboom! then peace; the great beast returns to its slumber. Only problem is that peace comes at a great price: the tranquility of those in the vicinity. I want to encourage not discourage those around me! I wonder how capable I am of being calm and collected rather than rudely blunt, irritatingly hurried and unnervingly stressed.

I will add here (16 July) that I am happy to report the Lord's faithful work in my life. The road is long and the way is tedious, and at times, dare I say, explosive, but I have hope and faith in the fact that the Lord will prevail. He will be made manifest in my life. Jesus is, after all, our ultimate example of grace under pressure.